A reflection on waiting, fertility, surrogacy, and living with questions that do not yet have answers.
Waiting for something that could change the shape of your life brings its own kind of exhaustion.
Even waiting for a phone call after an interview for a job you really want can become consuming. You try to carry on as normal, but part of your mind is already living in the possible outcome.
Planning becomes harder because you do not yet know what life will look like. With each passing day, a little more resilience can fall away.
As uncertainty becomes more uncomfortable, it is natural to reach for control.
You may check your phone or email again and again. You may hesitate to make plans. You may keep yourself available, just in case the answer finally arrives.
The waiting starts to shape your behaviour. Not because you are doing anything wrong, but because the outcome matters.
